Being Proactive with Distration

We've all been here. It's the dreaded two week wait. As much as possible, I am trying to force myself to stay distracted rather than read articles about conception timelines and early pregnancy symptoms. If I've read one article, I've read a million. So rather than obsess over "what could be", I am going to try to focus on the "what is now".

Busy schedules, family obligations and homework in my graduate classes have kept my husband and I very occupied these past few months. We haven't had much time to focus on the things we love to do together and be proactive in fulfilling each others needs. Earlier this month we committed to having a whole weekend of dates! No distractions, no social media, and no unnecessary obligations. Just us!

Can I just brag on my husband for a moment? He has been nothing but supportive thought our TTC journey. However, it didn't happen overnight or come easy to us. It must be difficult for our men to relate during this time because they are not necessarily dealing with it from an internal perspective. Our guys are not peeing on LH test strips, experiencing ovulation cramps or balancing the hormones with reality. However, its important to remember it's their journey too. They have just as much riding on those pregnancy test as we do. Unfortunately, many couples hit marital road blocks financially, physically, and emotionally during this trying time. We must make it a point to support one another and continue to strengthen our relationships, as well as, anticipate the needs of our spouse.

We didn't get married with the sole intentions to make babies, that was just a added benefit. We got married because we love laughing at each others jokes, sharing experiences and finding new ways to grow together. In the midst of the struggle remember why you got married. How are you proactive with love during your TTC journey?

Being completely honest, it took me awhile to open discussing every detail about my body and how it effects our odds of conceiving. I also struggled to share with him my emotional roller coaster after a disappointing wait. Am I the only one? It's like I didn't know how to ask or accept his support. Maybe it was insecurities I had or the evil that works against us whispering in my ear. Whatever my problem was, I had to find a way to overcome or nothing would change and I could risk negatively affecting our marriage.

When we first started practicing parenthood, it was just a causal walk down conception lane.

We'd talk about baby names, family goals, and how life would change once we became pregnant. These were all things we talked about before we got married but in more detail and anticipation now. After six months of negative results, I decided if we were serious about getting pregnant we needed to make a better strategy. That is when we went from talking about our hypothetical future children, to the science and math it takes to make one. I didn't give him all the nitty gritty at once, more of a gradual exposure.

First, I started with sharing with him what my ovulation app said was my prime week. It was as simple as a screen shot of the highlighted days from the app. Then we moved onto what the research was saying about diet and life style changes. I'd share an article via email or discuss it during our Sunday menu planning session. At this point we discuss cervical mucus, sperm aid lubricants, feminine cups, hormone levels, egg/sperm life spans and so on. I decided if I wanted to try it, I had to share with him the meaning behind the method.

I have also realized it was selfish of me not to share my emotional struggle with my husband. If I choose not share with him whats in my head and heart, how can I expect him to support me in my needs? This isn't just my conception struggle, its OUR journey to parenthood. What is so encouraging is that since I have become more open about whats going on inside my head and how my heart aches, he has become more open to doing whatever it take to grow our family. WOW! I remember when I prayed for a man to love and support me as he does.

I am living a blessing that God once granted me from many lonely prayers. I know he will be faithful to fulfill our hearts desire of conceiving our child.

With all that said, together we not only found ways to distract ourselves from the anticipatory pregnancy test but be proactive in maintaining a healthy marriage. Here is the list of things we did on our weekend of dates to keep our minds off the wait and strengthen our marriage during our TTC.

1. Painting Studio- Local studios offer step by step guidance on creating your own work of art. We painted wooden signs at Board and Brush Studio but other studios offer canvas painting classes. We have plans to hang them in our bedroom as a little reminder of our love story. Our signs coordinated but the company offered many designs that we could have chosen from. We went on a "Pick your Piece" night that allowed us to paint whatever we wanted. What do you think?

2. Coffee Shop Talk- Neither of us got coffee ( I am doing my very best to avoid caffeine but smelling coffee wont hurt!) however, we sat in the back and chatted about upcoming events. We also love to people watch and discuss what we think others "life story" is about. I know we aren't the only ones!?! Secretly watching couples first dates unfold is our personal favorite.

3. Yard Work- Well our version of yard work this weekend consisted of cleaning out the chicken cook and combining our new birds with our existing flock. Can I just say pecking order is just as brutal as middle school girls in the school cafeteria. We collected fresh eggs for breakfast and made sure everyone had a sweet treat ( yellow watermelon) to occupy themselves with while getting accustom to each other.

4. Local Performance- There is nothing like getting dressed up, full make up face, and putting your classy jewelry on for an evening out. At Christmas Keith bought me tickets to see The Lion King on Broadway! We finally used our tickets at a matinee showing. If you EVER have the opportunity to go see The Lion King live, DO IT!!! The opening scene was mind blowing and I loved every minute after. If you don't have a local live theater, a movie theater is a great option. Find a showing, get some popcorn and share a soda.

5. Fancy Dinner with Desert- Treat yourself to a meal that you don't have to do the dishes afterwards. It doesn't have to be expensive just some place you both enjoy and can spend time having quality table talk. After the play we went to one of our favorite formal restaurants. Keith and I are one of those annoying couples that share a meal whenever we go out. It really is a good strategy if you think about it. We aren't fans of most left overs and it saves us some serious money in the long run. The smaller bill allows us afford slightly nicer restaurants and we have room for a delicious desert (to split). Sharing meals has also helped us grow in our marriage in that it helps us better communicate compromise in other areas of our life.

6. Soak Up the Sun- Get out and enjoy some fresh air. Hike a local nature trail, hammock at the park, throw a frisbee, or simply walk the dog around the block together. Our favorite past time (when the weather permits) is going to the lake. I could sit on a boat just watching the waves of the water, birds in the sky or the wild life on the nearby shore. Sunday, we played hookie from church and headed to the lake. It was our first trip of the season and it was exactly what we needed in order to rest and rejuvenate for the busy week ahead. With nothing but a meat & cheese tray, some chocolate chip cookies and our puppy we set out on the water for a refreshing afternoon.

7. Check In- Don't check out after the fun is done. End the afternoon, evening or weekend with a conversation. As we lay in bed after a fun adventure we always ask what the others favorite part was. It opens up discussions about what we got out of the experience, how the activity could be improve in the future and what we want to do again. Hold each other close and appreciate the companionship.

8. Wait With Christ- Most importantly share your heart with Jesus. This two week wait I am specifically and passionately praying every day. Each morning, I am waking up with a reading plan on the Bible app called Longing For Motherhood. I have also been journaling my prayers in a notebook that I have designated to my prayers for parenthood. I mentioned in my a recent post that the last month results were tough. I knew that I needed to take active steps to improve my mental and emotional health. The best way I have found to help soothe my head and heal my heart is Jesus. One day, just as I did today, I will look back on a prayer that has become my reality.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

What things help you pass the time and subside the anxiety during your wait? I'd love to hear about your ideas!

Today I pray that our aching hearts are comforted. I pray that God opens our eyes to the beauty and blessings that he has for us in the now. Lord Jesus, hear our prayers for the "what could be" and calm our anxious minds. Listen to our plea so that one day we may live in the blessing that we know only came from the Creator of Life. Lord lead our steps in the direction to grow our family so that it not only pleases You, but brings You glory. May Your will be done. Amen.