Perfectly Timed Blessings

I truly believe reflection is key to personal and spiritual growth. In a tough season, it's not always easy to see purpose behind the pain, yet so often unanswered prayers and deep pruning are a perfectly timed blessing of mercy in our lives.

When I reflect on the times in my life that I was devastated with disappointment and experienced deep pain, I praise God that life didn't happen according to what I planed. I am so grateful parts of my life where pruned, so that I could be fruitful in my career, ministry and marriage. As I dive deep into this season of life I am in, I look back on specific unanswered prayers that have rescued my soul. Nevertheless, I have to constantly remind myself to seek guidance and clarity everyday. I can attest, there is undeniable evidence that God is good, even in the pain. I am faithful to believe He is preparing my husband and I so our perfect child can be knit in my womb one day.

"...often unanswered prayers and deep pruning are a blessing of mercy in our lives.

Hello my name is Beth and I am a planner! I love making list, filling out calendars and researching ways to be more productive in that planning. Trying to conceive (TTC) is all about making a plan, scheduling the deed, and producing a result. (Hopefully a positive one.) But that is not always how it works.

According to the Center for Disease Control 12% of women experience difficulty getting pregnant. In the U.S. alone approximately 7.3 million women are using fertility assistance to get pregnant.

This data makes me fell like I need to make a research based organization chart and check list on how to not be a part of this statistic! I am fully aware that God is looking down at me, rolling his eyes once again, as I follow my plan to conceive on the schedule that I have created all in my head.

Getting pregnant in my 30's has been filled with more pressure and emotion than I imagined. We are in our seventh month of TTC. I can't decide what is more tortuous, the anxiety ridden, 2 week wait or the constant interrogation from our friends and family. Surely I am not alone in this? I probably get at least ten people a week asking me when will I have a baby, telling me that my clock is ticking or asking if I've gone to see a fertility doctor. SERIOUSLY FOLKS!?! Of course it gives me the warm and fuzzies inside! I just love repeating a cycle of pre-scripted responses. NOT!

Some of my scripted responses:

" We are trying to fit in as much travel as we can before we settle in..."

" Practice makes perfect...."

"Our perfect baby is waiting for just the right time."

" Talk to God. He is the only one who knows."

" I am waiting for my premium insurance plan to start."

" It's not as easy as it looks!"

As the months begin to stack up, my responses get weaker and as I age, the comments cut deeper. Any suggestions? Am I the only one that is slowly running out of ways to politely respond to others? I've come to the conclusion, yet not quite acceptance, that I am in a season of waiting. I am attempting to patiently wait to conceive our first child. Our minds are prepared, our hearts are hopeful and our arms are open. Yet we wait. I am practicing waiting with Christ rather than waiting on Him. I find comfort in knowing He holds me as tears roll down my cheek, He is next to me when I read the negative results, and He wraps me in love as a curl up in bed after starting my period, again and again. I repeat to myself, there is still time, older mothers are wiser and God knows what is best for us. God knows WHEN is best for us. I do truly believe these things. I believe this for all of us who are in this season of waiting.

Today I pray that I remember grace. I must remember to give myself grace in the failed attempts to conceive, as well as, give others grace when they forget that conception can be a tough topic for some. I'm trying to turn my frustration into faith and allow Christ to write my agenda as we prepare for parenthood and our perfectly timed blessing.

How do you stay positive during your TTC journey? Where are you in your wait for your perfect blessing?